Erectile Dysfunction: I hate myself – he doesn’t want me sexually anymore!

I hear it quite a bit, “I hate my life”, “I hate myself – he doesn’t want me anymore”, “I feel so unattractive”, “Why doesn’t he touch me anymore?” even …..”There must be something wrong with me”.

Are you telling yourself “he doesn’t want me sexually anymore”?

I hear these words mostly from women who come into my clinic who are the partner of a man who has erectile dysfunction. They can have such low self-esteem and pent-up hurtful feelings.

For some women, they have never told another soul that they are not having a full sexual relationship with their husband/partner.  They don’t want to speak about it with friends because some have been told “leave”, “he is not a man”, and “if you’re not getting it at home, look elsewhere”. Or because you don’t want them to look at him and think that “she isn’t with a real man”, or the shame, pity, and possible questions you might have to answer.

For a lot of these women, it’s not that simple.  They are in love with their partner, they are happy with almost every other aspect of their relationship.  To the outside world, they are good together.  They might have children to consider, financial worries, their partners ED may be recent after an operation or due to their age – it can strike at any age! It’s all the things that people don’t know -including your relationship with someone who has erectile dysfunction – what goes on behind closed doors.

Whilst everything looks ok and a front is being put on for the outside world, the woman can feel lonely, isolated, and unattractive.  Their self-esteem is slowly being eroded.  Almost every time they go to initiate intimacy they are rebuffed.  Because sometimes for the man it is easier not to try anything, Because in his head he could be thinking, “what is the point, it doesn’t work anyway.” Better not to try and be disappointed yet again. This whole cycle just fosters the negative feelings and emotions going around in the woman’s head.

So if you can imagine the woman has all of these horrible negative emotions trapped inside of her.  Her health is suffering.  She is being slowly worn down until one day she is resigned to the fact that that side of the relationship is gone.  A period of mourning and grief can ensue and there is no time limit on that.

You have lost that sexual side of yourself because the man you are with cannot satisfy your needs the way you would like him to.  You might be younger than him, have a sex drive and you remain faithful or leave or look outside of your relationship to be satisfied. It doesn’t matter what age you are. It is how you feel that matters.

Eventually, she can feel bitterness, resentfulness, hurt, pain, and real anger towards that side of her life just gone.  Through no fault of her own.  She can feel like a pressure cooker ready to explode because she has been keeping these dark deep-seated feelings and emotions under a lid.  On occasion, those emotions rise to the surface. The odd explosion.  Then feelings of guilt and shame, because “it’s not his fault”, “he can’t help it!” and she is the one that exploded.

It’s just awful to be in that situation where everything is kept inside, buried deep down and it can slowly gnaw away at you. 

So when a client like this has a session with me, even talking during the intake, if it’s one-to-one, can help, or when we are online in a group session that also helps.  Knowing you are not alone.  You finally have someone else you can share with.  Someone who won’t judge, who will listen and be able to offer a solution to help release those frustrations. One of the most amazing tools I have in my box is to help you release that negativity.  And this is done in the safest of settings in a very calm and relaxed way, through the power of hypnosis.

Can you imagine or pretend, what it would mean to you to genuinely allow feelings of hurt pain, anger, frustration and so much more go?

How much headspace would that give you?

Also, what would it be like for you to feel good about yourself, knowing it’s not your fault.

It’s not his fault either, it just is, and here is a blog that I have written on 5 simple tips to improve erectile dysfunction.

So now, I want you to close your eyes and imagine how you will feel when you realise how amazing you are, a special human with many gifts to offer, getting your sense of self back to as near 100% as it will go.  And I will help you get there. You can reach out to me confidentially by filling out this contact form.

Here are some self-care tips for yourself or for when you are caring for others.

Now that is being and feeling empowered and an act of self-care.